Hi Reader,
The question came from one of my LoveSmarter™ membners in our group chat—but I think it’s something a lot of us have asked at some point:
“Where do I actually meet people these days?”
They were feeling frustrated after yet another disappointing round on Feeld. The matches weren’t aligned. The energy felt off. The whole thing left them deflated and wondering if dating apps were even worth it anymore.
I get it. I’ve been there. Apps can be exhausting. But they’re not the only way.
When I answered their question, I shared the approach I’ve come to rely on over the years—a three-pronged strategy for meeting partners that I think works better than relying on any one source alone:
1. Mindful App Use
Dating apps aren’t inherently bad. But they do require boundaries.
I’ve had both casual and long-term partners I met on the apps—including the partner I was with before Josh. But the key is using them intentionally, not passively scrolling whenever you're bored.
Some of my tips for mindful app use:
- Keep notifications off.
- Set a timer or a specific window for when you engage.
- Know your filters and what you’re actually looking for—so you don’t waste time chasing connections that don’t align.
Use the apps—but don’t let them use you.
2. In-Person Shared Activities
Go do things you already enjoy—or things you’re curious about—with other people.
Whether it’s dance classes, rock climbing, a language exchange, a community potluck, a book club, a local hike, or even church… These are all opportunities to meet like-minded people while doing something fun or meaningful.
One of our students said they started going dancing again—and not just to meet partners, but to reconnect with themselves. That’s the kind of energy that’s magnetic.
Even if you don’t leave with a date, you leave with joy, movement, and connection. And that’s never a loss.
3. Everyday Life (Yes, Really)
I met my current partner, Josh, while I was doing pull-ups at an outdoor gym. Seriously.
We were both there doing our thing. I smiled. He started a conversation. It was casual, organic—and it turned into something really beautiful.
I know we’ve all become more cautious about approaching or being approached in public—and rightly so. But that doesn’t mean it’s never okay.
A smile, a hello, a question can still open a door. It doesn’t have to be creepy. You can be the one to initiate—or at least create an opening for someone else to approach.
Especially for women and femmes: we don’t always have to wait. If you see someone interesting? Make eye contact. Say something. Invite possibility.
And underneath all this, there’s a fourth layer: alignment, energy and readiness.
Another student shared how the times they’ve met the most aligned people were the times they felt happiest in themselves—when they weren’t chasing, but open. When they weren’t “looking,” but ready.
That’s not something you can hack with a strategy. But it is something you can cultivate.
Whether you’re deep in the apps, burnt out from swiping, or wondering where to even begin—remember: there isn’t one right way to meet people.
What matters most is staying open, staying aligned with yourself, and staying curious about connection in all its forms.
How do you like to meet new people? Have any stories or tips of your own? I’d love to hear what’s worked for you—or what hasn’t. Hit reply and let me know!
With love,
Dr. Zhana