Hi Reader,

If you’ve been watching Harlem on Prime Video—a modern-day, Black version of Sex and the City—you know the show has been praised for its contemporary, funny, and authentic take on (at least high-end) Black love, friendship, and success. But in the final two episodes of Season 3 (and likely the last), they introduced a polyamory plotline that had me initially excited… and then completely disappointed.

Was this finally the nuanced, accurate representation of consensual nonmonogamy we’ve been waiting for in a mainstream show?

Or was it just another case of mainstream media getting polyamory very wrong?

Let’s break down what happened, and why I give this storyline a C (and I'm being generous).

The Plot: "I can offer you everything you want...except monogamy"

If you missed it, here’s the short version:

Quinn, one of the four main characters in the show, has been dating the incredibly charming, attentive, and wealthy basketball player Seth for five months. One night, she overhears him on the phone with what sounds like another partner (he ends the call with "I love you"), then confronts him about it.

As you can see in the video below, he then comes clean: He does have another partner (Sabrina) because he's "ethically nonmonogamous," but he's falling in love with Quinn and would like her to be his primary partner with whom he'll build a life and family.

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7 Reasons Why Harlem’s Polyamory Plot Missed the Mark

1. Poor Initial Disclosure

Naturally, Quinn is furious when she learns about Seth's other partner—and she has every right to be.

While they initially agreed on a no-strings arrangement, they negotiated that when it looked like they were going to have just a fun one-night-stand. Consistently dating in a romantic way for five months changes things.

If you’re polyamorous and have another partner, you MUST disclose that to new partners early on and voluntarily—not just when you get caught. By waiting until he was caught, Seth violates one of the most important ethical rules of consensual nonmonogamy: transparency.

This isn’t just bad behavior—it’s bad representation because it reinforces the stereotype that nonmonogamous people are shady or deceitful.

2. Misleading Terminology

Seth tells Quinn that he’s “ethically nonmonogamous,” an umbrella term for many different types of nonmonogamy (swinger, monogamish, open, poly, solo poly...). But what he’s actually describing is polyamory, a specific and especially challenging form of ENM involving multiple committed romantic relationships.

This is a missed educational opportunity because most people don’t know the difference between “ENM” and “polyamory,” and Seth’s misuse of the term only adds to the confusion.

3. Failure to Educate about ENM or Polyamory

Seth makes virtually no effort to educate Quinn on what polyamory actually is, how it works, how it differs from other forms of ENM, what unique challenges it presents, or how to overcome them.

This is wildly irresponsible. If you’re going to introduce someone to a lifestyle as complex as polyamory, you need to prepare them for the emotional and logistical terrain that comes with it.

4. Disparaging Other Forms of ENM

In his attempt to explain polyamory, Seth dismisses other types of ENM that involve “random hookups,” implying that they’re somehow inferior.

This reflects a common but harmful hierarchy imposed by many polyamorous people who present polyamory as “better” or “more evolved” than other forms of ENM. It’s not. It’s just different—each form with its own pros and cons.

You don't have to disparage other forms of nontraditional relationships in order to justify yours. Justify your preferred version on its own merits.

5. The Worst Metamour Introduction Ever​
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After the initial shock and resistance, Quinn decides to give Seth a chance to "sell her" on polyamory. His way of doing it? He immediately introduces her to Sabrina (Quinn’s metamour), with zero preparation beforehand.

The meeting itself is so poorly planned, I couldn’t have scripted a worse way to do it if I had tried. Here are a few highlights:

• Seth meets the two of them at a bar then immediately leaves them alone without helping establish any sort of rapport between them or ease any of the tension and anxiety he fully knows Quinn feels;
• He affectionately kisses both women without negotiating that with Quinn beforehand;
• Sabrina shows complete lack of awareness and sensitivity for where Quinn is in her journey of wrapping her head around poly, and immediately bombards her with way too much information about her relationship with Seth that Quinn is unaware of—and doesn’t necessarily want to know about;
• To top it off, a couple of minutes into her monologue, Sabrina launches into a detailed negotiation about safer sex practices, STI testing, even showing Quinn her latest test results.

Less than five minutes into the meeting, Quinn leaves in visible distress. And who could blame her?

Who the hell introduces a complete nonmonogamy noob to full-blown polyamory like that?

This was the worst possible way: Waaaay too much, waaaay too soon. It plays into the stereotype that polyamory is chaotic, inconsiderate, and emotionally harmful, when in reality--when done well, it’s about communication, care, and consent.

6. Peer Poly Shaming

Throughout this whole ordeal, Quinn’s three friends are harshly judgmental, never once express curiosity or openness about polyamory.

After the Sabrina meeting, her otherwise pretty slutty lesbian friend (who runs a queer poly dating app no less!) even says, “I can’t believe you actually went” then quickly concludes Quinn wasn’t built for poly life.

This reflects the real-world stigma against polyamory, but Harlem had the opportunity to show a more nuanced conversation—and missed it.

7. Safer-Sex Shaming

Finally, the show portrays safer sex conversations and transparency as something shameful, with Quinn and her friends horrified that Sabrina showed her STI results.

While, as I said, this may not have been the right time and way for Sabrina to share that info with Quinn, it’s definitely the way to negotiate sexual health in ENM when the parties are ready to have that conversation. We should celebrate, not shame such transparency.

Why This Matters

Polyamory and other forms of ENM are still largely misunderstood. Media representations matter because they shape public perception. By presenting polyamory in such a messy, irresponsible, and ultimately negative light, Harlem missed a great opportunity to normalize consensual nonmonogamy and educate on how to do it well.

Of course, in the end Quinn decides to say "no" to building a life with a man who offers to give her everything she wants—except monogamy. She decides to be a single mom instead (and in the process potentially rekindling a romance with another woman from her past who's on the same path).

Given how poorly polyamory was presented to her, who could blame her?

But Harlem, you could’ve done so much better!

Did You Watch It?

What did you think of Harlem’s polyamory plot? Did you find it relatable, frustrating, or just plain confusing?

Hit reply and let me know your take. Or join the conversation on Instagram or X—I’d love to hear your thoughts.

With curiosity,
Dr. Zhana